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Post by gremlin on Feb 24, 2007 13:43:12 GMT -5
A friend of mine went in for his vasectomy a few weeks back. For obvious reasons he hasn't been training for a while, when he came back he was telling me about the surgery consent form he had to sign. I couldn't help but laugh when he mentioned the warning that the procedure might cause infertility... ;D
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Post by shasta on Mar 13, 2007 20:24:29 GMT -5
Ooh, Johnson, no. Happy endings at a mechanics? Not unless they have a cute receptionist.
Back on the topic of stupid people;
I work in a computer store. We do all the normal stuff; parts, build and repair machines, set up networks, and do service calls out to people homes or places of business.
I had a customer who wanted to set up a wireless network, running DSL throughout his house, so that he could use his laptop on-line in any room of the house. He originally decided to configure the wireless router himself; the fella considers himself something of a computer whiz. After failing to correctly set up an encrypted wireless network, he paid us our call-out fee ($88 AU/hr) to come out and fix it up. Since then, he has changed around the settings twice more, each time resulting in an $88 call out from us. More recently, he decided that the router was stuffed, because after changing a few things around he could no longer go online... for the third time, mind you... and went out and bought another one. The first one is still within its warranty period. He didn't buy the second wireless router here, so how do I know about it? You guessed it - another $88 call-out to set up the new router.
For $88 bucks a lesson, I'd be learning a lot faster than this guy.
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Post by Mr. Johnson on Mar 14, 2007 18:32:34 GMT -5
I found these on the web, thought id share the best ones
Police rushed to an Auckland phone box early today after a panic stricken call from a man who could not get out. As they were on their way they received a second 111 call from the man as his panic increased. He was freed moments later. He was pulling the door instead of pushing. Police could not say if he had been drinking. – NZPA
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!" The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten Tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...
With a Little Help from Our Friends! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten Tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up...
And What Was Plan B? An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...
And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!! A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a classmate that the mints would make him "jump higher." And a student in Belle, West Virginia was suspended for three days for giving a classmate a cough drop. School principal Forest Mann reiterated the school's "zero-tolerance" policy...not to be confused with the "zero-intelligence" policy...
Some Days, It Just Doesn't Pay to Gnaw Through the Straps... Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
And for the Main Course... A man in Taormina, Italy was hospitalised after swallowing 46 teaspoons, 2 cigarette lighters, and a pair of salad tongs.
The Getaway A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas "Kwik Shop", and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
Do-It-Yourself Brain Surgery?! In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Have I Got a Deal for You! More than 600 people in Italy wanted to ride in a spaceship badly enough to pay $10,000 a piece for the first tourist flight to Mars. According to the Italian police, the would-be space travellers were told to spend their "next vacation on Mars, amid the splendours of ruined temples and painted deserts. Ride a Martian camel from oasis to oasis and enjoy the incredible Martian sunsets. Explore mysterious canals and marvel at the views. Trips to the moon also available." Authorities believe that the con men running this scam made off with over six million dollars...
Too Well-Educated In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. "There are too many business grads out there," he said. "If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened..."
Did I Say That?! Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Ouch, That Smarts! A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants." Police have the man's charred trousers in custody...
Are We Not Communicating? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the emergency operator asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
Not the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. Hmmm...wonder what he uses for a knife?
enjoy
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Post by Braddoc on Mar 14, 2007 18:52:03 GMT -5
Good run there..Love the one about the barricaded guy standing near the cops..
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