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Post by GreatMilenko on Aug 8, 2005 22:09:03 GMT -5
that so rulz!!
but I gotta know... what happened to the flea?
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 9, 2005 0:15:51 GMT -5
It took Luddington so long to figure out what Drassel meant that we never got an answer. When he finally did get a turn on for his 15 watt light bulb brain, he just shook his head and walked away.
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 9, 2005 1:21:53 GMT -5
I got the Fat Man to give me some of this:
The Eon/Krass Wars.
Eon explaining to Ronilion why she put Krass in the hospital. "Krass couldn't be a bigger ass if was attached to Orson Welles backside!"
Krass spoke to Ronilion, “If ass holes could fly this place would be an airport!”
Krass, "I give the Doctor a virtual wedgie."
Explaining Eon's philosophy to Ronilion. "She bellies up to the gourmet cracker-barrel and delivers laid-back wisdom with the serenity of a down-home Buddha who has discovered that stool softeners really work."
“Today, if you are not confused, you are just not thinking clearly.” Devlin Krass to Ronilion.
"Krass is useless on top of the ground he aught to be under it, inspiring the cabbages." Stated Eon with some heat.
Arguing as usual with Eon. "Who would date a slimy, poisonous toad like you?" "I get so much action that I have to spray WD40 on my zipper twice a week!" Krass smiled as he held up a can.
“Krass? He never opens his mouth without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
“OK so we all started by screwing the pooch and I simply hope we can hide the extent of that fact from the Johnson otherwise we are going to look like prime asses for the rest of our lives.” Krass said to the group. “With you in charge, you are already too late.” Finished Eon.
Krass glared blearily and angrily at Eon. “So now you do side shows? Why don’t you just stick to being a female impersonator? If I throw a stick will you leave?”
Eon slammed her fist into the palm of her hand as she glared at Krass, "You know most men that I know that are as annoying as you are dead!"
Krass smiled back, "How many times do I have to flush before you go away?"
********************************************
From the FatMan game: The Ultraviolet flow of pimping with a money back Guarantee of weight-loss.
Talking rapidly to a prospect. "These pills will let you get into pants you couldn't get into three years ago, guaranteed."
Customer (NPC) looking dubious, "I don't know, that's an awful big promise, do you have any proof?"
Krass, "Take one pill now at half price and watch the results." Customer hands over money and takes pill.
Krass smiles, "Hey Eon! Would you come hear a minute?" Krass looks at the customer and points at Eon coming around the corner, "How about THOSE pants?"
Customer smiles. Eon warily "What are you up to?"
Krass whispers to Eon, "He wants to buy your pants but he wants to try them on first, humor him and be nice."
Eon, "I am NOT taking off my pants in the middle of the street."
Krass jumping up and down. "Take my advice, or I'll spank you without pants."
Eon angrily, "Don't threaten me you little toad or I'll disconnect your bones and beat you into and unrecognizable shape."
"OK so the pill didn't work out like I planned," Krass said to the customer ruefully, "Maybe I can interest you in a 'POT' TART?" He finished looking at Eon.
"The ultraviolet flow of pimpin' ain't easy these days but somebody's gotta do it" Krass stated trying to sell Eon’s hoop without her being aware of it.
Krass running away, yells back to Eon in an effort to distract her with fast talk before he gets pounded into dog food.
"Hey Eon what sexual position produces the ugliest children?"
Eon, who is neither amused, nor distracted replies grimly, "You can ask your mother that question when you get out of the hospital."
Drassel talking to Eon outside the Doc Wagon after their latest run in.
"You are really too hard on Krass," stated Drassel, "he is hard to understand but not really as bad as he makes out."
Eon glared at Drassel, "I see Krass all too clearly. The fact that he ordered two hammocks and gift wrapped them as bra's for me was inexcusable."
Drassel looked at her calmly. "It was his way of complimenting you. You see Krass occasionally stumbles over the truth but always manages to pick himself up and hurries on as if nothing has happened."
Eon is rolling the protesting Krass's bed towards the operating room. After trashing several security personnel the diminutive teenage girl is smiling.
"No one will ever know that you've had a lobotomy, if you wear a wig to hide to the scars and learn to control the slobbering." She stated to Krass smiling as he struggled to get loose. The others were trying to talk her out of it.
Ronilion to Eon, "I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for not operating on Krass. He is after all one of the group."
Eon looked at the Ronilion grimly, "I didn't stop for that reason. It was just that I realized if I had made him any dumber I would have been the one that would have had to water him twice a week."
**********************************************************************
"Some people are like Slinky’s, not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs."
Krass, “You know what many leaders need today, is a bunch of dumb guys who are willing to follow.’ He smiled at the furious Eon, “If you think you are a leader and no one is following, maybe you are just out for a walk.”
"I don't want that floozy in my Jacuzzi!" stated Krass as he ran from Eon's retribution.
Ronilion to Eon as she grabbed Krass, ""Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!" ************************************************************************
"You have a strange religious background, my son, have you never studied the gospel?" Luddington the priest asked still trying to convert Krass
"In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Eon. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested." Quoted Krass solemnly, "I don't think I need to know anything else."
********************************************************************** Eon, still trying to pull the group together, “My life sucks!”
Krass, “Your life sucks because you suck, and you have bad karma. It must be all those guys you’ve said ‘No’ to. They’re all cursing you for not putting out.”
Eon glared back and then spoke cattily, “You know Krass, I’d listen more closely to what you have to say, but I keep getting distracted by all the flying diarrhea.”
Krass shrugged, “OK then don’t ask me, ask your lover—Satan.” **********************************************************************
Drassel watched in some amusement as Krass ran past him with Eon in hot pursuit, “Why is Eon chasing you this time lame-brain?”
Krass somewhat winded as Eon continued to gain rapidly, “Eon was wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" He continued racing as Drassel shook his head in disgust.
"Beware of Schwartzenbimbo." stated Krass to Ronilion after Eon chased him down. ************************************************************************ "You know Eon there’s a difference between you being the boss and the Pope being the boss."
Krass spoke quickly, "The Pope only expects me to kiss his ring!"
********************************************** From the FatMan Game: Krass and the NuYen Flea’s
Arrested by Lone Star for rustling, Drassel is defending both himself and Krass in court.
"Honest your honor it wasn't like it seems, my partner was only helping the sheep over the fence after it escaped and he had no other intentions!"
Gm; (Judge) looking at Krass in Spandex and little else, "Is that true?"
Krass leered at the judge, "Don't you believe it baby, Welcome to the Awakened World where the Men are men, the women, like Eon are too, and the sheep’s hoops are sore! I'll bet you would look good in wool and I'll bet you're a sweater, not a moaner or a screamer."
Drassel whispering to his partner frantically, "Krass you just hit on the judge!"
Krass nodded, "I sure did and if she's agreeable I'll be feeling so much better soon."
Judge, glaring at Krass. "Just what did you think you were doing? It was obvious that you and your partner, despite his lame attempt to lie, were stealing those sheep!"
Krass shrugging, "I blame it on holo. I saw a rerun of Jason and the Nu-Yen Fleas."
Drassel, "That's Golden Fleece you idiot!" while waiting for the judge to let ten tons of drek down on their heads.
Krass, "That's the point lame brain, I wasn't after the sheep I was after the fleas! There's a midget flea circus that pays top yen for them. I was actually performing a public service here. The sheep are happier, the fleas are happier and the midgets are happier. So you could be nice and say that Justice has been Serviced." Drassel starts crying like a baby.
Judge after Krass's fast talk and persuasion rolls, "You mean you really were after fleas? Well I guess you haven't lied to me yet."
Guest GM makes a face. "Since there is no law against flea rustling I guess all we can charge you with is criminal trespass and contempt of court."
Krass, "How about we talk those other two charges over at your place and I'll show you the difference between trespass and seduction? In the morning you will also know the difference between contempt and one-nighter."
NPC prisoner, "So what are you two guys in for."
Krass, "About 90 days."
NPC "No I mean what did you do?"
Drassel pointing at Krass, "He pissed off the Judge."
NPC nodding, "That would do it all right."
Krass ruefully, "I guess I just gave her too much oral or not enough. It's hard to judge these things."
Eon looked startled as Drassel and Krass arrived at the meeting. "Where the heck have you two been for the last three months."
Krass just having gotten out after 90 days for Public Nuisance and Contempt of Court smiled, "We graduated today."
Eon looked warily at the pair, "Graduated from where?"
Krass, "The Uncle Fester School of Hair Styling. Want a haircut? I start low and work my way up."
*********************************************
From the FatMan Game: Put your money where your mouth is.
Krass has climbed out of his apartment and down the fire escape. As he walks up the ally some Go-Gangers surround him and beat the drek out of him taking his money, jewelry and even the gold fillings in his teeth. Naked and bleeding he is left in a heap. Blearily he sees two small shoes walk up to him and looks up.
Eon: "If you can't beat them or catch them, arrange to have them beaten."
Krass, "Hell hath no fury like an enraged Eon."
Krass is sitting in his wheelchair recovering from his latest bout of stupidity. Dr Patterson is trying to refit his teeth while Krass is decking. A shrill scream comes from the outer office followed by cursing from Eon.
Patterson looks at the grinning Krass. "What did you do now drek-head?"
Krass, "I'm feeding matrix porn to Eon through her communication gear. I hacked into her last refit specs to get the security codes. Now she is the central figure in the Houston 500."
Patterson, "You're a dead man."
Krass, "You could call it my gift to her continuing education."
Eon has tied Krass into his chair and his deck is wedged sideways into the wall looking like a piece of modern art. The Doctor has warily chosen not to get involved.
Dr Patterson looking warily at Eon and Krass, "What do you intend to do with my patient Ms. Eon? You have to be aware that another pounding might kill him."
Krass struggling is trying to speak through his gag.
Eon coldly smiles, "I think Krass is a pervert and masochist. It seems he never learns his lesson so it is time for me to punish him in a way that will get his attention." She deftly removes the wallet from Krass's pocket and then goes and opens the safe. She takes out his stash of loot. "I'm going shopping. I'll be back when the money is gone."
Krass screams in fear behind his gag.
Krass shook his head in despair, "Eon is like a wife without the sex. Wait a minute I'm wrong. I mean, she is exactly like a wife." ************************************************************************
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Post by Xtreme on Aug 9, 2005 8:27:00 GMT -5
lol... shweet...
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 10, 2005 2:18:39 GMT -5
The Luddington Files:
You know him, you love to shaft him. The priest with the least, the miraculous father with no brain. I present here for your delight and edification straight from the Fatman; Some of our Padre's more memorable moments. First some Luddington Quotes:
Luddington to Eon, "The past is history. Tomorrow's a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."
Eon, "Sheesh, Father, that is so sickening I think I might puke."
********************************************* Luddington to his congregation, ""Today I've prepared a 10 NYen sermon on fire and brimstone that will take me about four hours and half to deliver, and I've prepared a 50 NYen sermon on the evils of sin that will take about an hour and a half to give, and I've got a 10 minute 100 NYen sermon on love and generosity. We'll take the collection at this time to see which one y'all vote for."
Ronilion, "Here's 1,000 NYen. Say Hello and Goodbye and save your voice."
Luddington, "Praise the Lord for his generosity and a day off." ********************************************** Luddington to Krass, "The pessimist complains about the direction of the wind, the optimist expects the direction to change, but a good leader simply adjusts the sails!" Eon, "Who says Krass is a Good Leader?"
********************************************** Luddington, "Mr Krass, I forgive you for the Lord say's Love thy Neighbor."
Krass, "So if your motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". Does this mean that your neighbor is a 14 year old hooker?"
Luddington, "You know Mr Krass, In your case a closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose."
Eon quickly replies, "Don't fret about it Padre, Krass is always glad to share his ignorance, He has plenty."
*********************************************** From the Fatman game: The Search for WMD's or Weapons of Mass Distraction.
Eon, "Well Padre, it's the fourth of July and here we are in this unholy land having a barbecue over a pile of camel and sheep drek. You want to bless the food?"
Luddington, "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God! Let's eat."
OOC: GM: "A new record. Don't you think you rushed the blessing a littel Father?"
OOC: Luddington, "Not that I'm complaining about what the Lord provides my son, but when you'er eating over sheep or camel drek it pays to be brief."
OOC: GM: "I stand corrected Father, take one Karma point for your indisputable logic."
Sage to Father Luddington, "So infidel, you claim to be a Holy Man for your God. Then tell me this, People say fish is good for the diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. What oil does an infidel priest use?"
Luddington blythely, " Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon..."
OOC: Dr Patterson, shocked, "Lud, you're not serious are you?"
OOC: GM: laughing, "I am afraid he is. You ought to see what else he sent over the private line. Let's not let him cook the next time we have a get together. I think for safeties sake I will continue to do the cooking for all of us."
Father Luddington to the Sage in Iraq. "Before you toss us out I have a question I'll bet you can't answer. If you can't you have to tell us what you know about WMD's and if you can Krass will owe you one million NuYen."
Sage, smiling, "I am not good at riddles but as long as it is not about your infidel God I will agree."
Luddington, "If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster. What would you have? "
Sage, thinks carefully then suddenly smiles, "Two feet of my cock in your ass. You lose, pay up."
Luddington protesting, "That was not the answer I was looking for! It was supposed to be a fat donkey!"
OOC: Krass, "It is a correct answer though and much better than your lame answer. Frag! I'll pay the million. It was worth it just to see the look on Luddington's sanctimonius face!" Nice one Fatman it was a really good Retrosexual's answer."
Luddington is working on repairing a burned out church in Iraq, he is repairing the church fence. A small boy is standing nearby and watching with intent interest for a long while. Finally, smiling Luddington asks him: "Do you want to speak with me, my son?"
NPC: GM Small Boy, "No, I'm just waiting."
Luddington, "Waiting for what?"
NPC, "I just wanna know what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer."
********************************************* From the Fat Man Game: Area 51 Where are you?
Luddington is talking to the aliens trying to learn secrets of the universe. "What is harder than a diamond?" He asks the alien.
Ronilion and Eon at the same time in a disgusted voice, "Paying for it! Sheesh Padre if you're going to ask questions ask ones we DON'T know the answer to." Ronilion looked at the alien, "Where do they keep the bar around here?" Eon also spoke up, "And the powder room."
Luddington to Drassel, "You actually offered to take a case for the aliens. I am curious. If it were a Catholic Priest what defense would you use?"
Drassel, "One fine sunny morning, the priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the small stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.
"What's wrong with you?" said the priest.
"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."
"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain!"
"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you."
"That's an incredible story" said the priest. "Is there no way of reversing this spell that the witch has cast upon you?."
"Yes" said the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person would pick me up, take me home, give me food & Warmth and with a good nights sleep would wake up a boy once again."
"Today's your lucky day!" said the priest, and picked up the frog and took him home. The priest gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When the priest awoke, he saw the 11-year-old Choirboy beside him in bed,
"And that your Honor and members of the jury is the case for the Defense."
Luddington looks at Drassel, "You know when talking to you the phrase "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy."
Krass to the aliens and Luddington, "I'm making a porno film and I want all of you to be in it."
Luddington, "Listen not to his blasphemies my children. He is a perverted sinner intent not only upon his own soul's destruction but your's as well."
Krass, "C'mon Padre this film would be good for you. It would be 10% sex and 90% guilt."
Krass has hacked Luddington's computer as he works on his diary about the aliens, Suddenly Luddington's screen blanks and huge words appear scrolling across the screen, "As a deck, I find your faith in technology amusing." Luddington shocked responds on instinct (and little thought), "God Bless My Soul." he shouts clutching his crucifix in one hand and with the other he pulls out his heavy pistol and shoots the compact unit several times throughly trashing the deck. Then he proceeds to give it last rites and conditional absolution. meanwhile back in Krass's office:
OOC: GM: "Mr Krass, you were inside the computer when he did this. Welcome to the wonderful world of 'Dump Shock.' Kindly throw up on your deck and trash it."
OOC: Krass, "SHIT! That's the last time I try that with him."
**********************************************
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Post by The Fat Man on Aug 10, 2005 6:48:43 GMT -5
Before I take my well deserved vacation, I'll leave you something to examine. Enjoy.
Krass/Drassel & Associates Present: The Shadow Runners School!
From the Fatman game: I came I saw the IRS took it all!
Ad for the Shadow Runners Team called Retro Sexuals"
"We do DREK, like you ain't NEVER seen before!"
"Remember our company’s motto, Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis ad capul tuum saxum immane mittam." In English: "I have a catapult. Give me all the money or I will fling an enormous rock at your head."
"Products of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled, to the utterly bewildered.”
'Earn Major League NYen in your spare time--blackmail friends! See Krass, Drassel and Associates for opportunities.' Please leave a message. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
"Give Blood, Play Urban Brawl!"
Announcer (GM) loudly in fast voice with lots of rich looking stuff in the background,
"YOU TOO CAN MAKE BIG MONEY IN THE EXCITING FIELD OF SHADOWRUNNING! Mr. Johnson of Muddle, Mass. says: 'A'fore I took this course I used to be a lowly bit twiddler. Now with what I learned at Krass/Drassel & Associates I feel really important and can obfuscate and confuse with the best.' Mr. Chin had this to say: 'Ten short days ago all I could look forward to was a dead-end job as a Fuji engineer. Now I have a promising future and make really big NuYen.' Krass/Drassel & Associates can't promise these fantastic results to everyone, but when you earn your Master's of Shadow Running degree from Krass/Drassel & Associates your future WILL be brighter. SEND FOR OUR FREE BROCHURE TODAY!"
Luddington and Patterson are watching the Info News babe on the Trid: "Today 35 Greenpeace Elf protesters rushed onto the floor of the Seattle Stock Exchange intending to paralyze the trading of Krass/Drassel and Associates stocks. This was the anniversary day of the Kyoto environmental initiative which took effect over 25 years ago. Unexpectedly, the traders turned on them, punching and kicking the protesters until they ran for their lives. Two were hospitalized. Said one protester, "I've never seen anyone less amenable to listening to our point of view."
Patterson, "They got off lucky. Neither Krass or Drassel never let anyone get in the way of their money."
"That's us, continuously giving the world a wedgie since 1970 and if you can stick it to your partners it's even better."
What will you learn?
Krass Teachings:
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're Shadow Runners!" ******************************************************************
"Always remember to claim your most expensive dependent on your tax forms, The UCAS government." ******************************************************************
"I had a mentor, Sensei, and teacher once. He was a humorous old dude that spotted philosophical drek in return for meat and wine."
Drassel looked at Krass, "What happened to him."
Krass smiled, "He ate the meat, drank the wine and got run over by a bus. Not every teacher dies a noble death. However his wisdom was useful. “Krass looks at Eon across the street, "She who not kiss you makes your lust stronger, and you should avoid busses." ************************************************************************
"It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they inherit it."
"Some people have a way with words, while others... erm... thingy." ************************************************************************
"A cheap shot is a terrible thing to waste."
“Always be aware that a woman can bury a boner without digging a hole."
“Suffice it to say that as the fixer responsible for the complete satisfaction of my clients, when I broker a job for them, it makes perfect sense to take out insurance payable to me if they fail. After all most runners are not known for their low key, intelligent approach now are they."
"Hey I'm sorry, but some of us see a beautiful sunset and think, You know I'll betcha my accountant is boning me up the ass."
Krass has been giving a lecture on business advice at the Shadow Runners school. A student (NPC) raises his hand and asks, "Does the career advice, "Come early on your first day" apply in the porn business?" ************************************************************************
Drassel Teachings:
NPC Insurance Adjuster, "We are not paying and that's that!"
Krass, "No problem, Chummer. That is why I have a lawyer as a partner." He summons Drassel on his head ware. Drassel enters the room, "Mr. Drassel, this gentleman does not want to pay on our claim." Drassel smiles.
Insurance Adjuster looking stubborn and uneasy blurts out, "That's right. According to our rules this was NOT an accidental death."
Krass smiled, "You have to understand Mr. Drassel better than that chummer. He isn't interested in the rules. He is more interested in what we will gain by legally nailing you and your companies hide to his wall trophy." Drassel continued to smile.
Adjuster dejectedly, "OK, we'll pay." **********************************************************************
“Everything is a potential tax write off.” **********************************************************************
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it." **********************************************************************
“The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them." **********************************************************************
Shadow Runners school and Drassel is teaching the class. He holds up a board with four circles. O o (o) (0) " The first circle represents your brain. The second your brain on chips! The third represents your hoop hole and the forth represents your hoop hole if you get caught by Lone Star dealing or using chips." ********************************************************************* Drassel is instructing at the Shadow Runners school. "Remember that it is important to understand that words have different meanings and one should never be too hasty to achieve a quick solution. Patience is a great thing. I recall a time I inadvertently told a young lawyer that I had a case that could go on forever. He got the file and immediately settled it to prove to me how smart he was, blissfully unaware that I was charging the client by the hour!" ********************************************************************* "You have to understand that most Shadow Runners are inherently violent individuals. Very few are actually intelligent. If they were smart they would be working in a corporation. Shadow Runners are tools and like any tool you use it till it breaks."
JoAnne pointedly, "You do Shadow Runner work."
Drassel, "Of course, when it suits my purpose and there is an advantage in it. Illegality is a tool of every corporation. After all there are some things that we have to do that we definitely do NOT want to impart to a third party."
“Drassel is teaching the Art of the Cover-Up at the Shadow Runners School. "Remember class, if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried." ************************************************************************ A customer is speaking to Krass and Drassel in Krass's office.
NPC " I am representing a client who is currently in litigation with Lone Star's Chief Prosecutor. Your name was mentioned by him and I wanted to know which side you are taking in this case?"
Drassel, speaking before Krass can put his foot in his mouth, "Whoever pays us to represent their view, of course. What is your client willing to offer?"
NPC: startled, "Aren't you interested in the facts of the case first counselor?"
Krass, "We are never interested in facts, right or wrong, or egos. What we are interested in is nice crisp NuYen and Certified Cred Sticks. We are the best firm money CAN buy."
Drassel nodded in complete agreement, "We will accept bearer bonds and stock options as well but the worth will depend on our assessment of your company’s future." ************************************************************************ Drassel to Luddington as he hefts the block of C-4 he has pulled from his brief case and eyes the door, "The question isn't who is going to let me in; it's who is going to stop me?" ************************************************************************ "Sir, the secret of my success is that at an early age I discovered I was not God."
"Look, I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens." ************************************************************************
Ronilion Teachings:
"For every act of genius, there is an equal and opposite government program. It's the law of the universe." ************************************************************************
"You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." ************************************************************************
"Seattle is a melting pot, the people at the bottom get burned while all the scum floats to the top." ************************************************************************
Ronnilion explaining a lesson to a group of Shadow Runner mages at the Shadow Runner school, "What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick." ************************************************************************
Eon Teachings:
"You know a computer beat me at chess once but it was no match for me at kick boxing." ************************************************************************
"I am not doing this out of anger or vengeance but out of charity. Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.” ************************************************************************
“I'm a Veteran of the Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force 2010-1951." ************************************************************************
"Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!" ************************************************************************
"To kiss a fool is bad. To let a fool kiss you is even worse." ************************************************************************
"MENtal anixiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!" ************************************************************************
“Eon smiling, "I do believe in SOMETHING, Padre, I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?” ************************************************************************
"Another urban myth dispelled: ninjas do not bounce." ************************************************************************
"Remember, Five-second fuses only last three seconds. So when the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." ************************************************************************
Dr. Patterson Teachings:
"If you are going to the hospital for treatment of a severed limb, remember to bring the limb." ************************************************************************
“Hospitals apply a vast mark-up to the items in the in-room mini-bars." ************************************************************************
"The UCAS Heart and Lung Association surveyed doctors and found that 9 out of 10 doctors who tried Camels went back to women." ************************************************************************ Dr Patterson to Drassel. "I'm tired of going to parties and having everyone ask me for free advice." ************************************************************************
Drassel, "The same thing always happens to me as well, but I fixed that." ************************************************************************
Dr Patterson, interested, "You did? How?" ************************************************************************
Drassel, "I just send them a bill the next day."
Dr Patterson, "Hey that's great, I'll have to try it." ************************************************************************
The next morning Patterson woke up and opened his mail. There was a bill for 1,000 N Yen from Drassel for a legal consultation.
Krass to Dr. Patterson, "Darn, what should I do if my girl friend starts smoking?" ************************************************************************
Patterson thoughtfully, "Slow down and use a lubricant." ************************************************************************
Luddington Teachings:
Luddington to Eon, "A great sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending."
Ronilion replies with a smile, "And they should be as close together as possible!" ************************************************************************
"I hate this world. You have to kiss a lot of hoop and if you're a good toady they might give you a toothbrush so you can get the taste of the DREK out of you're mouth!"
Luddington, "Mr. Drassel, I know lawyers can be expensive but just how much do you charge?"
Drassel is reading some briefs and does not even look up. "I charge upwards to 5,000 NYen for three questions."
Luddington whistles, "Bless my soul, isn't that an awful steep price to just answer three questions?" ************************************************************************
Drassel still not looking up, "Of course it is. Now what's your third question?"
"And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, HE WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV in an ugly suit and a bad hairstyle." ************************************************************************
"My Church does take into account the unreasoning violence of this world. The rule is: Shoot everything that appears hostile and if it blows up or dies, it was evil."
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God has granted it." ************************************************************************ “Some good has already come from my dealings with this group. It makes me more certain of my answers and perhaps a better priest proving that adversity does strengthen us. Why not TRY Jesus. If you don't like Him, the devil will always take you back. You should be aware that Wal-Mart is not the ONLY 'saving' place."
OOC: Luddington to the group, "Now does anyone have a Spiritual question for me?"
OOC: GM: "Yes. What was God thinking when he made my ass sweat?"
OOC: Krass: (ROFL!) “You shouldn’t have asked.” ************************************************************************
"There is always one more imbecile than you counted on."
JoAnne Teachings:
“This month is Farm Animal Awareness Week.' It is also National Singles week. Please do NOT get the two mixed up.” ************************************************************************
"People trust 'fixers' too much.” ************************************************************************
"Today is World Kindness Day, moron. Now go outside and be nice to someone, jackass."
The FatMan:
“The object of a game is to have fun with people who enjoy the same talents and motivations. If you can't laugh at reality or have fun then why play? Jokes and Humor are the best part of life. Don't take life too serious, you'll never get out alive."
Why the Krass/Drassel and Associates School for your Master’s degree in Shadow Running?
JoAnne to Drassel, "Anyone who believes that advertisement is as thick as a brick."
Drassel, "You look at this the wrong way. The school serves a useful purpose. What you should remember about school is that your education begins where what is called your education is over."
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Post by Xtreme on Aug 10, 2005 8:59:57 GMT -5
Krass... you think Luddington and Drassel might perhaps stop by sometime?
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 10, 2005 23:31:37 GMT -5
Only if Ronilion holds them by the hand. Luddington will never/ ever figure out on his own how to do it without being shown. (Several hundred times) The last time we got together Dr Patterson and the Fatguy had to tear down his system and totally rebuild it with parts they brought just to get it working. He is a total and complete computer idiot. You know, the kind sys admins run in fear from? My proof? This year he 'discovered' E-mail. We have a pool to see how long it takes him to crash his system and Ronilion will have to get on a plane to go fix it. The problem is it could be broke years before he tells us he broke it. Meantime, he will go use Drassel's computer on the weekends. Drassel will of course not think this is worth mentioning to anyone that Lud has screwed up his system.
Drassel is a lot more computer savy than Luddington, but as the Fatman says, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." He is no shining light either and Eon, Ronilion, Fatman and I are always telling him in DETAIL how to fix things he has done. With Drassel you never know what button he will push. His problem is he never tends to DO anything unless he has thought it out throughly. This has a tendency to take YEARS. He might show up at this site in ten or 12 years from now. Don't hold your breath waiting, chummer.
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 11, 2005 3:37:58 GMT -5
Ronilion is teaching the class at the Shadow Run school. He is showing that magical spikes have resurged several times in history and is now lecturing on the Salem Witch Trials.
"…but as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value."
Drassel comments as well, "Assuming of course that the lawyers and judges were honest men."
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Post by The Great Krass on Aug 11, 2005 3:39:27 GMT -5
Ronilion to Luddington, "I still think it is a BAD idea to take that Cross off a dead priest."
Luddington, "You worry to much. God knows my need and will allow me this leeway."
OOC: GM: "A booming voice says, “Wrong, cretin!”, and you notice that you have turned into a pile of dust.
Luddington, "HUH? REALLY? I'm dead?"
Ronilion, laughing, "Look closer Padre, he did that as OOC:"
Luddington, "That means it don't count? Whew."
OOC: GM: "Heh Heh Heh had you going didn't I."
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Post by Xtreme on Aug 11, 2005 7:02:19 GMT -5
Only if Ronilion holds them by the hand. Luddington will never/ ever figure out on his own how to do it without being shown. (Several hundred times) The last time we got together Dr Patterson and the Fatguy had to tear down his system and totally rebuild it with parts they brought just to get it working. He is a total and complete computer idiot. You know, the kind sys admins run in fear from? My proof? This year he 'discovered' E-mail. We have a pool to see how long it takes him to crash his system and Ronilion will have to get on a plane to go fix it. The problem is it could be broke years before he tells us he broke it. Meantime, he will go use Drassel's computer on the weekends. Drassel will of course not think this is worth mentioning to anyone that Lud has screwed up his system. Drassel is a lot more computer savy than Luddington, but as the Fatman says, "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing." He is no shining light either and Eon, Ronilion, Fatman and I are always telling him in DETAIL how to fix things he has done. With Drassel you never know what button he will push. His problem is he never tends to DO anything unless he has thought it out throughly. This has a tendency to take YEARS. He might show up at this site in ten or 12 years from now. Don't hold your breath waiting, chummer. HAHAHAHA does The Fat Guy ever run a character?
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Post by The Fat Man on Aug 21, 2005 0:21:34 GMT -5
Very Seldom. Most think I cause too much Chaos when I do run a character.
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Post by Xtreme on Aug 21, 2005 9:51:57 GMT -5
id love to see some transcripts from one if you have any though =D
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Post by sabosect on Aug 21, 2005 19:55:05 GMT -5
Man, I think that in the world of SR players you guys are the only celebrities. It's always amazing to read one of your posts.
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Post by Xtreme on Aug 21, 2005 22:21:39 GMT -5
I found the website they post there stuff on from another RPG forum in which a guy stated he would give his left nut to play with those guys... I really wish I could remember which site I saw it though
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