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Post by krondax on May 12, 2009 7:37:13 GMT -5
LMAO. i think its more like; I laugh when people fall down stairs.
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Post by Rockhead on May 12, 2009 10:34:58 GMT -5
It's funnier when they're pushed.
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Post by krondax on May 12, 2009 11:37:30 GMT -5
i can agree wiith that.
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Post by Kaimloim on May 14, 2009 5:57:34 GMT -5
Mailing 11lbs of pot to yourself: 100 NuYen.
Telling the judge your 28 lbs of pot is for personal use: 500 NuYen.
Judge responding with "Cheech and Chong would have had a hard time smoking that much"
PRICELESS!
The above comment equals those who place comments on an open storyboard without doing a story. Does the word 'SCENE WHORE' mean anything to such people?
Kaomloim strikes again.
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Post by The Great Krass on May 21, 2009 9:59:11 GMT -5
OK so this slitch called 'Grace' walks into the sauna like she owns the place. I was the troll on duty at the time. Being the kind of scene whore guy I am, I waited till she was in the water and then I pissed in it. After all that beer? I pissed a lot. I was a fire hose, dude.
It was worth getting fired just to see the look on her face.
At least I'm not a faggot emo-whore.
"But boss, I thought the slitch said give me some of that green water troll, so I did."
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Post by krondax on May 21, 2009 10:09:01 GMT -5
*give it the Creepy Mike stamp of approval*
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Post by Kaimloim on May 21, 2009 15:29:07 GMT -5
Some people don't have any form of class.
I would say that the actual statistical figure would be 90% of the current world population.
You have to be a low-class, scumbag to piss in a woman's hot tub.
If you’re a troll and you do it, you should never even get up in the morning when you take your morning piss. Troll's stink like a toxic waste dump anyway. It could only improve them. Troll boy's lucky he ran out of the place. He’s not even half a whatever.
Then of course the totally braindead RAH RAH boy, hoop buddies will join right in. How the frag do they breathe with their heads stuck so far up someone else's hoop?
I immediately suspect scumbag's working with the dumb and dumber and they think I'll be so angry that I'll do something stupid. Like, maybe, give myself away in a fit of anger. They fragging wish.
I hate having to get Troll piss out of my fine hide but it isn't like this is a totally new experience to a joy girl like 'Grace'. The girl had some skills and she can take it.
I react normally. I scream. I yell. I get histerical. I blame management. I complain. I threaten them with a lawsuit.
I get the usual abject apologies. I get free towels and the full works, and fresh loving treatments all over again, free. The dumb boys can wait and party down with with their new troll buddy by practising anal probing with each other.
I don't have to pay. I demand they do more. They fire the Troll and toss his hoop out in the street. I complain they should do more, I'm not satisfied. Here's where Gobwit would clean up in the NuYen smugly satisfied with his money. He's a fragging idiot and I can't understand why people never called him and Mao on the bulldrek.
In places like this, high or low class places they are smarter than that. Tryinmg to pry your money back out of them is a gesture in futility.
So how does my version work out? All I fragging get is a look and a verbal reminder about the fragging inoculous but oh so valuable consent form I signed when I came in that says the management isn't liable for drek.
In essence they do nothing but talk which is mostly how guys like Krass act. They screw you, for 2 minutes, they talk and mealy mouth out. Same as it ever was.
Probably Drassel wrote the fragging consent form anyway and they could use me for spare parts in some wild robotic love experiment and I wouldn't have a legal right to anything but to hand over my money and bend over. My first born would probably vanish in a puff of smoke if I even think lawsuit.
Grace doesn't have any first born. Since that is the name I signed under it's a non binding magical contract. It's not my real name. Legally I don't get crap. Magically it's a whole new ballgame. As a mage you learn to never, ever, ever rush these things.
I take the freebies and the cleaning and the kiss hoop talk and walk out threatening to never return and to tell all my high class friends to drop these corporate fraggers like 'pile O drek'.
That has about the same affect as anything else. They'll wait a bit and see if they lose any paying customers, if not? They'll just keep going. If they do? They'll fire the current staff, change their name and corp affiliation and come back under NEW Management which will actually be the same fraggers under different names. Same as it ever was.
Try it yourself and see if Moron Gobwits version works or if mine does.
To be completely honest either COULD work but let's face it. Most likely they won't give you anything unless you hire a smart lawyer and get them toasted. It's a drek shoot and you'll still lose because the lawyer, your supposed friend and ally will get rich and you'll get the fragging bills.
In most cases the only resort is magic, time and money.
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
I can be patient.
Troll Haggis anyone?
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Post by The Great Krass on May 29, 2009 9:23:55 GMT -5
Hey Slitch.... You're as bad as Eon.
Sure this ain't her doing this drek?
Anyway, why is it a woman thinks that if a man screws her once he has to be her devoted slave for the rest of eternity? Even when she ain't even interested in the guy and just wants to get something out of him?
Even IF you only had your two minutes of mind bending lust. You got more than you deserved. Meanwhile sweetie, you can go back to thinking about why the BIG Bribe didn't work on me, and you can try to figure out where you went wrong.
See, woman don't put out just to put out. They put out to get something. Men put out to put out and don't ask you to invest your soul in the process or make more of the deal than what it is, which is mainly satisfying a biological need.
So c'mon babes. Hit me with your BEST shot.
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Post by Kaimloim on May 29, 2009 11:05:46 GMT -5
Who says that large annoying bolts of electricity can't strike twice in the same place?
Oh, Look, It's a Great Flying Krasstard.
We all know him, unfortunately.
He's that horny hick with all the class of a trailer park romeo.
Much like the cross between a mutant warthog with wings and embodying the worst habits of pigeons. (isn't that a picture to GOOGLE.)
Doesn't that just make my lifetime..... NOT!
Now comes the moment when I get to explain a simple concept to a congenital, perpetually adolescent moron. (In case you missed it Krass, that's you. Do TRY to pay attention.)
You are no prize. More like the booby penalty one would receive on a blind date with your simple minded cousin Rudolfo.
If nothing else becomes clear in this, I should keep your troll friend alive and well in the lap of luxury just so I don't have to listen to your amazing pile of drek each time I write something out here.
Still I don't want to discourage you, if you want to write, then WRITE.
I'm not here for your fragging sexual amusement slime for brains.
I will enjoy you writing yourself into a situation where you insert your own head up your hoop. It might be mildly amusing, for your other supporting morons to see.
As a final point. I am NOT Eon. Eon kicks your hoop. I don't think your dead hoop is worth kicking. We all know you're a brain dead moron and I hate fighting unarmed opponents.
I am not your "Sweetie" or "Babes" or "Girlie" but I am sympathetic to your lack of education so you can use whatever words you want to talk to me and you can continue to be all you can be, a buffoon.
By the way. I do have a question.
Once I remove your Pro-Krasstinator, how would you look as a brand new "Edgar" suit? Could this be what Seattle needs? A wiser, smarter and more insanely beautiful NEW KRASSTARD?
Don't think to hard when you run that question by your friends. Burnt popcorn is suchj a nasty smell.
I'll deal with the troll when I am ready, goofball.
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Post by Kaimloim on Jun 3, 2009 14:08:37 GMT -5
When I left the place it was raining cats and dogs outside. The ferocious animals were fighting each other all the way to the ground.
C'mon you rain, wash all that stinking, festering garbage off the streets. If it takes some humans, trolls and orcs with it, so much the better.
The human plants and one troll were following me down the street. They were wary though. Lone Star infested the neighborhood like the Vitus IV. They wouldn't try anything overt here.
I went into a local 'family' type diner. Ordered a meal and then went to the powder room. A short while later I left the building with no problems and no tail.
I walked right past the idiot squad and they never had a clue. I circled the building and climbed up to the roof and watched them from there. They never looked up and even if they had, they wouldn't have seen me in the darkness with the street lights glaring down on them. I wondered how long they would wait.
The troll consulted a small crystal device in his hand. It did little good. The pointer spun like a top. So the troll had tried to magically mark me as I suspected. Unfortunately the skin he had marked no longer existed. Bye Bye Grace. He threw the crystal down in disgust and it shattered on the street.
One of the human plants circled around to the back to check the bathroom window. It had bars on it. He continued around to the back where the cooks worked. Some cash changed hands but no one had seen the joy girl come out that way.
When the waiters removed the food it was pretty obvious to the troll that they had already looked for Grace and hadn't discovered her. He went in and some money changed hands again. He managed a tour of the bathroom and discovered nothing.
I turned and walked down to the corner and took out a five NuYen coin and rolled it down the sidewalk toward the last human outside, then ducked back around the corner and walked away.
The plant noticed nothing until the coin rolled into the light, spun a short while and fell to it's side. He looked around but seeing no one he picked it up and smiling stuck it in his pocket.
A short time later he was rejoined by his buddies. He said nothing about his find. Why? He couldn't remember it. The coin as such no longer existed. I smiled a little street urchin elven girl smile. You would have though I was the old Bone guy with the sickle.
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Post by The Great Krass on Jun 4, 2009 8:58:28 GMT -5
OK.
The slitch has some skills.
She dumped the magical trace. The very obvious magical trace I might add, but 99% of the current SR community wouldn't have even had a clue.
She's not the only mage in town.
I walked out of the diner and met the guy who had gone around back. He shook his head to let me know that he hadn't a fragging clue. The guy I left out front had a strange look on his face. More vacant than he usually had. I got a sneaking suspicion that at worse the slitch might have put a tracer on him.
Or worse.
It was time to send the guys off on a wild goose chase without them knowing it. I gave them a task and sent them off. Whatever happened to them would happen a long way from where I was.
I put on my stupid troll look and went to question the staff. Money again changed hands. Slitch had that part right. It appeared that several people had left the diner but the only single person was a street urchin elf girl. (Forgot that clue, didn't you girlie? But then you were rushed and couldn't cover everything.) The problem was no one remembered which way she went.
I suspected she was in the area. I wasn't stupid enough to figure that she would follow dumb and dumber. At best, for me, she had a tracer on one of them and at worse a booby trapped timed to go off when she was far away. I suspected a horrible death in their future fairly soon. Maybe the spell had a range limit on it to go off when it left her presence. I'd have done it the same way.
So it had to be obvious. She was watching me.
I smiled and started to walk up towards Holloweener territory. She should feel comfortable there and she still wanted to know who I was working for. Sure the situation was reversed but the game was still on. Now she had to follow me and wait for her chance to catch me.
I have some surprises for her too.
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Post by Kaimloim on Jun 4, 2009 14:19:01 GMT -5
Looks like I'm going to have to outlast the bustard.
The plants didn't have a clue.
The troll though was proving to be VERY UN-TROLL like. It was obvious. He wasn't really a troll. Had to be a glamor spell of some type probably fetish controlled. He also had his aura shielded. No sense wasting good magic proving it. He'd only try to track it back.
I watched as smoke came out of his ears for a bit and then he started walking off North toward Holloweener territory. Nice and casual. This screamed trap. His face didn't broadcast it but I got the impression that he was expecting to be followed.
He could have just grabbed the local metro here instead of walking 10 blocks in the dark of night in the fragging rain. It was obvious. He didn't want me to lose him and he hoped to catch sight of someone following him. All those questions with money spent must be he had info on an underage elf girl and he figured that she would be the target dejure of any thrill gang out there in those mean streets. He obviously suspected I was magically disguised as a woman.
So the main question is, am I brave enough or stupid enough to follow an ersatz troll that WANTS me to follow him?
The answer to that is; of course.
BUT not as a little elf girl. For night-work like this something a little less noticeable was required. This is where that vampire hide would have come in handy.
I hadn't had time to hunt one of them down yet, circumstances being what they were. To new to the SEATTLE street scene and it takes time, magic, supplies and TALENT to create a acquire and establish a vampire hide. I would just have to do with the basics that I already had available.
Pulling a quick change I was soon following the troll north. It might be interesting to see what he's up to. I'd watch him but unless I got careless, he wouldn't see me. That was just the way I liked it.
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Post by The Great Krass on Jun 6, 2009 7:36:28 GMT -5
I continued to head North enjoying the view and a thunderstorm so massive it was actually starting to clean the streets. I strolled along like I was a bumpkin at a country fair. I was keeping a careful eye on things around me. I used reflecting surfaces to check my back trail. I moved in random patterns. I even swung around and climbed a couple of fire escapes and watched from above. All I saw was devil rats, some night birds, mangy alley cats and other such night creatures. I doubled back or hid in blind spots to see if anyone came by.
It's hard to do a good tail job, in a one on one situation, especially at night.
I had to admit, the slitch was good. I never caught sight of her at all. Not even magically. No surprise there though, she was obviously magically shielded and the amount of magic I could show without giving myself away was limited by the disguise I was in. She did not seem to have the same problem. She had thrown off a magical trace, used an illusion spell to change from a class hooker to an elf girl and now might be in some other disguise. I wondered how good she was or was she already feeling the mana drain. Maybe I could run her out.
It was glaringly obvious that if tailing me, she hadn't slipped up by now, she wasn't going to.
Time to change the parameters of the game.
I went to the metro station. It was pretty deserted at night except for some of the ganger's and liberals who wanted to introduce me to the benefits of sharing my wealth with them. My troll stare and the obvious big fragging gun I carried quickly discouraged wannabe socialists. They went to find more helpless prey. Maybe they would discover elf slitch.
I hopped on a an empty car just as the doors were about to close so I could see if anyone else rushed on at the same time. No one made it. I headed South in the Metro as I looked out the window smiling. I saw no one glaring at me. No elf slitch, no joy girl. Alone again.
Naturally.
Let's see if she could run fast enough to keep up with a metro.
Jogging.
It's what's for breakfast.
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Post by Kaimloim on Jun 7, 2009 13:51:38 GMT -5
I watched the metro pull out with the Troll peering out through the windows of an empty car. I hadn't bothered trying to get on the fragging thing. I just watched it leave from the shadows.
BYE BYE Troll boy.
The smartest thing anyone can learn from this?
Is when to quit.
Some idiots would have tried to continue following the troll come dark stinky nether region or above nose salt water. Most likely all they would have done was to expose themselves when the main object of the exercise was to get rid of the tail first. You see I'm the one that was initially tailed. If there any good they'll try to find me again. If they are not any good, they'll never even have a clue where to look. Seattle is a populous place.
It would have been nice to have captured and interrogated the morons but you can't always have everything and there is always another day. When you are as long-lived a spirit as I am you learn to take the long view. Magicians have to have the same view.
You don't have to or WANT to rush in anything.
For those who don't recognize the glaringly obvious. They were hired to track and watch me. Given that bathwater troll is obviously looking for a handle on me and hasn't a clue is a plus right now on my side. So what if he goes racing away on his Metro. Now look at what he has to deal with.
Can he be really sure he ditched me? Maybe I've gone all invisible and I'm right there with him even if his magic shows he's alone. He has to act like I am there until he can REALLY be sure.
To cut to the chase, I'm free as a bird because I know when I left him. He has no clue what disguise I'm in now. Has no way to track me because all his info is about 'Grace' and she no longer exists. Anything he knows about 'Grace' is useless info.
If he's smart enough he'll try to find me again, but I'm more likely to recognize him first.
I'm going to pick up where I left off and try again for a shot at power. All I've lost is a little time. In Seattle, there is always another fine pelt to be had. It's not like people don't come up missing everyday or dead, or even not dead. I don't have to be choosy in that way.
Next stop... a funeral home. Shastokovich's perhaps? There has to be some fine stuff just laying around the place just for me to try on. Haven't you ever heard that some people who have been declared dead suddenly come back to life? Happens allot with my kind. Didn't think of that did you marshmallow brains?
It's shopping day at the Pall....
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Post by The Great Krass on Jun 9, 2009 6:24:53 GMT -5
BLOOD, DREK AND ASHES!
The slitch slipped away.
I really didn't think she would let her pride go that much just to walk out. Got to hand it to her, she did pick a good time to walk away. Going to be a Shag Nasty time trying to get a handle on her again. I hate having to go all CSI on this but....
I'm not really concerned over loosing her, more frustrated and disgusted would be the right thought. As I mentioned previously, it's almost impossible to do a decent tail job one on one. I guess we both proved that.
I moved through a few wards and protected places I knew the slitch couldn't walk through without having to show her face. When I was sure she wasn't with me, I dropped the troll glamor and I headed to HQ report in.
Did you know that Z Street was still in operation? Probably not.
Same management, different flunkies.
Janie was not going to be real happy about me loosing 'Grace'. Why was she interested in Grace? Well seems a certain diplomat was a friend of hers. Z Street was part of the protection on the POOBAH while he was visiting. Then this fragging FREE SPIRIT waltzes into the place and sets off all kinds of magical alarm bells. You see with insect spirits and the like, we've refined some spells so we can detect these fraggers but the spells are too heavy, expensive and powerful to just use anywhere.
The old way of detection was kind of stone age. You shot, fried, knifed or bombed one and if it turned into a mantis or beetle, or ant then you knew you were right. If it stayed human? Lone Star would want to have a talk with you, or you'd say, "OOPS" and try to cover up the mistake. It was self defense officer, he was going for a gun.
This is Seattle. Everyone has some kind of weapon.
I walked through the magical barrier at Z street and down the ramp to the entrance. Same old fragging troll guards. Same old fragging detectors. Stuck my key card in the slot and gave them a DNA and psycho-symmetric scan on my brain and waltzed in past a new interior checkpoint.
Janie had made some changes since Gobwit and his idiot squad had been here. C'mon do you really think a Corp would let as expensive a facility as this just sit there empty? You must be brain dead. As the spirit slitch would say it was just under new management, which was actually the same old management under a different wrapper.
I was sent to Servalan's office. That's the code name for Janie now. Same old management different names. Yeah, Smith ain't Smith anymore either.
I was going to have to make a report she probably wouldn't like but I had told her I was understaffed for an operation like this. Especially since an unknown type of free spirit. I was Teflon. The drek wouldn't even stick. Deadpan I went in to report.
As Gobwit would have said, "Another day in the Z Street neighborhood."
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